Don’t be a Victim, Take Control of Your Life!
I had never thought of myself as a victim, however, in my past I was always complaining about what people had done to me. How horrible boyfriends were, co-workers picking on me, arguments with my family. You name it, whatever it was, it was always being done to me and I had no control over it. Of course this would make me feel bad and therefore I didn’t always see the good in others as a result.
Then my self esteem hit an all time low when I went back to college, I began to have problems with my exams and my relationships, both personal and co-workers. I had a sales job when I was in college, I not only enjoyed it, but it helped to pay the bills, but with the other pressures building up on me I started to have some problems in work. These problems were not with my boss. I got on great with my boss, he left me alone because he knew that I always over delivered on my work, he never had to chase me. However I was having problems with a junior co-worker, who was not even in my department, but she did sit directly across from me. She would frequently vent her anger at me every day. Soon I dreaded going into work. I would feel sick to my stomach that at some stage during the day, this girl would need to let off steam and without fail I became the punch bag. Don’t get me wrong, I never showed her how unhappy she made me, however inside I felt it. A job I had once loved, had become a place I no longer enjoyed being because of one girl.
Because I was having some trouble with practical exams in college, one of my tutor’s suspected that I was suffering from low self esteem. My course work was always fine and I was only having trouble with practical assessments, not written exams. After observing one of my assessments she took me to one side and suggested that I talk to a friend of hers A Life Coach. This lady was wonderful, and I only had one session with her. After our session she told me to go and study a book, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. She felt that this book would have a profound effect on my life if I followed its process, and it did.
I found that the pattern that I had adopted was one of a victim. That all the stuff in my life was happening to me and that I had no control over it. The problem with the victim mentality is that you believe you have no control over your life, you may want, wish or even pray for things to be different, however, if you don’t change how you see yourself and the world around you, nothing really changes long term. As I went through the book I knew I had received the kick up the rear to make some necessary changes.
Firstly I started by taking back control of my life and my thoughts. I started to accept and love myself for who I was. I started to look for the good in myself and others. I used the affirmations and visualization exercises daily and I aced my exams. Then in the work chapter of the book I found the key to fixing my problems with my co-worker. I needed to only see the good in her and that is all that she would show me no matter what she was like to others. Well I did just that, I made a little affirmation up just for her. I would go over and over this affirmation in my head on the way into work each day and within just two days, everything changed.
I was busy tapping away at the keyboard processing orders, when I got a knock on my partition, I looked up and you guessed it, it was her, but instead of scowling, she was smiling saying, “Would you like a cup of coffee Honey?” I was in shock, but I said “Yes please.” She replied “No problem Babe, back in a minute.” As she walked away to get our coffee, she yelled at another one of our co-workers, who was also in shock, she had never been on the receiving end of this girl’s rage before. The other co-worker looked over at me wondering why she was being screamed at instead of me, but I just lowered my head and kept on working. From that day on everyone else in our office was at the receiving end of this girl’s rage except me, she was always very sweet to me because that was all I saw in her.
Since then I always use this process if I am not seeing eye to eye with someone. Recently I gave the same advice to my little boy who was having trouble with a school pal, so I told him the story above. He did exactly what I said to do and two days later, he came home beaming “Mummy it really worked, it worked!” His pal and he were best buddies again.
So if you think you are being a victim, take back the control of your life! Accept and love yourself for who you are and what you have accomplished. Make a determined plan for your life and follow it up with affirmations, visualizations and actions, and above all always focus on the Good in Yourself, Others and in Your Life.
To Your Success
Roma Catherine
PS. Please feel free to comment and share below, I would love to hear how you overcame any difficulties in your life.